Her Strength
by PixieRed
Summary: Detective Niijima Makoto plans to buy the latest volume of her favorite series, but the reactions of her fellow officers have her questioning what's best. Post-Canon. Written for Day 1 of Makoto Niijima Week 2019: Books.


"bk str on central meet u 7?"

Makoto looked down at her phone. Getting a message from Eiko with several spelled out words was a rarity. She wasn't sure whether to thank auto-correct or just the fact they were getting older. Surely Eiko couldn't message her coworkers like she was still in high school.

"Sorry, I can't. I'm speaking at a Women in Justice outreach event," Makoto tapped out her reply.

The first response was a litany of frowny faces.

The second was, "im spoil u!"

Makoto grinned as she messaged back. "Not if I finish it first. Maybe you're the one who should be worried about spoilers."

The replies came furiously.

"ur mean!"

"jk xoxo"

"gtg boss"

Makoto smiled at her phone once more before putting it back in her pocket. Eiko had started messaging her just as she was walking into the station.

She had arrived early as usual. The quiet of the morning was the perfect time to do research. Once the office filled there were so many interruptions, both planned, like interviewing witnesses, and unplanned, like when a crime was newly reported.

It was also nice to start the day going over her plans and priorities rather than stepping into whatever seemed urgent at the time. Saying "no" was easier when one could back it up with other, more important, items that needed done. That was something Sakai-san, her mentor, had taught her.

Makoto glanced at her calendar. She would be meeting with the older woman for lunch. Their usual spot was right by a bookstore. Perhaps she could stop in.

_Knights Rendezvous Volume 5_. The light novel series chronicled the adventures of Elise, the second daughter of a noble but poor house. She navigated the politics of court while also maintaining an alter ego. In hopes of increasing her family's honor, she poses as a male cousin who serves as one of many squires to the third prince.

The previous volume ended with some of the other squires ganging up on Elise out of jealousy. Without a weapon, she managed to hold them off using saddle straps alone until the mysterious rogue whisked her to safety before vanishing into the night with only a cryptic message about the prince's birthday gala. Makoto looked forward to how it would unfold.

However, now was not the time to be wondering. She would find out soon enough. Her schedule for the morning required her focus. While the office was still quiet, she went over her notes, following up on any last minute ideas, in preparation for the field work she had planned once the normal hours commenced.

––––– ––––– –––––

"Did you hear Kondo-san was transferred to the Tooku office?" Sakai-san said, having already finished her lunch. Makoto's mentor was a quick eater, matching her efficient, no-nonsense style. Ten years and two ranks above Makoto, she was the only woman ever to advance that far in the precinct. She kept a trim appearance with shortly-cropped hair and a well-fitted jacket.

The two officers were dining at a small cafe off of Central Street. Sakai-san always treated Makoto at their meetings, despite the junior detective's protests.

"Eh?" Makoto looked up, the next bite of her meal held only a few centimeters off her plate. Kondo-san had joined a couple years after Makoto. She was in the burglaries unit and like Makoto had career-long plans. "All the way out there?"

"She officially reported Hirata-san," Sakai-san explained. Makoto hadn't met Hirata-san, but had heard about him through Kondo-san. "The higher ups were very apologetic. They said they found her a place where she can have her own office so she won't be bothered. She's even getting a promotion."

Sakai-san's tone lacked the enthusiasm that would normally come when describing such gifts.

Indeed, from the outside it appeared Kondo-san was being treated well. From a long-term perspective, things were not so rosy. Tooku was a distant borough with not much activity. It didn't offer Kondo-san much chance to distinguish herself and advance.

_Oh._

Makoto's lips fell into a small frown. Sakai-san closed her eyes and nodded.

"I just found out this morning," Sakai-san said as her eyes drifted out towards the front of the cafe. Through the windows a constant flux of pedestrians walked by. "I don't think she knew to protest. I don't know if it would have worked had she tried."

Makoto wasn't sure if Kondo-san had been assigned a mentor and if she had whether that mentor was attentive.

Lunches with Sakai-san usually revolved around Makoto's own questions. This one was no different. Their walk to the cafe and their wait for their food passed by as Makoto spoke of her concerns meeting her advancement targets, her difficulties interacting with certain officers both higher and lower ranking, and her decisions regarding what opportunities to pursue.

It was only sometimes that matters like this came up. She was thankful for the extra set of eyes watching for her blind spots—ones Kondo-san did not have. She reminded herself she needed to do more, reach out to more people, to make use of every resource available to her.

Makoto's career often felt like standing against the crashing waves, violent rapid of waterways set in their path, carved through the years unabated. She needed to look on, stand firm as they beat against her. She needed to not flinch nor falter no matter how large their presence loomed nor how heavy the force they brought down.

She took a deep breath. Her hands made fists at her sides. She needed to become commissioner to make things right. She needed to become commissioner to make sure these things didn't happen in the future. Most of all she needed to _remember_ these feelings when she got there, to not become just another vestige of a broken system, just another wave that those who followed her would have to weather.

––––– ––––– –––––

"Can we stop in the bookstore?" Makoto asked as she and Sakai-san were walking towards the station. Her partner was rarely back in the office early. She had time.

"Sure."

The two women turned into the shop. Sakai-san headed for the magazine rack. Makoto stopped at the stacks of new releases. She picked up a copy of _Knights Rendezvous_ and then began looking at the other titles out that week. She was in the midst of considering whether she liked the writing style of another series when her mentor returned.

"Light novels?" Sakai-san's gaze zeroed in on the two books Makoto was holding. "Are they for a case?"

"No. Just some personal reading." Makoto pulled the books closer to her, sensing her answer was not the right one. Was it not okay to do personal errands during their mentoring lunch? Were they relevant to a case? "Are you familiar with them?"

"Not those in particular but I know of the genre," Sakai-san pressed her lips together. She paused for a moment and then began speaking anew. "These books are popular among girls, aren't they?"

"Yes. These imprints cater to woman," said Makoto.

"Perhaps it would be better if the others don't see them then." Sakai-san was pressing her lips together again. She tilted her head down but her eyes remained locked on Makoto. It felt an old elementary school teacher staring down at her when she was out of line. "Don't give them any reason to dismiss you."

_Oh._

"Ah," Makoto's eyes drifted to the stacks. She bent her knees and placed her books back on them. She could pick them up later, after work. "Thank you."

Sakai-san seemed to relax once Makoto's hands were empty. "I'm surprised you'd be interested in books like those. Aren't they a little demeaning?"

"I like a lot of genres," Makoto was quick to respond. Though the statement was true, the fact she had said it defensively made it sound like a lie even to herself. She blinked a few times before continuing the conversation, as if more words could cover up the ones she regretted. "What do you mean?"

"The main character falls in love with some rich man above her station. Men fight over her. Some man is often coming to her aid or rescue," Sakai-san recounted several hallmarks of the genre. "I thought you'd prefer stories about strong women."

"I do but-" Makoto caught herself being defensive again. Her lower lip hung, ready for a composed answer that wasn't coming to her fast enough.

"I've probably said too much," Sakai-san brought her fingers to her lips. "You can read whatever you like of course. It's just... I worry that buying books like these causes them to proliferate, reinforcing stereotypes not only among our colleagues but also on impressionable young girls."

"Hmm..." Makoto glanced at the stacks of books again.

"Not you, of course," said Sakai-san. She waited until Makoto looked up at her again. "You're establishing yourself in the department as someone who can be counted on and your accomplishments are adding up. The road ahead is hard but you're doing the right things."

––––– ––––– –––––

Makoto stared into her display. The empty query box of the criminal database stared back. Her visits to persons of interest and the following report write-ups that afternoon had gone quickly. Now that she had more open-ended time, she found herself restless, switching back between researching possible suspects and refining her speech for the outreach event. Sakai-san's reactions at the bookstore kept replaying in her mind along with better answers than she had uttered on the spot.

She liked to believe this kind of thinking only prepared her for next time. However, it was hard to justify it when it was getting in the way of productivity.

Makoto switched back to the text document with her speech. The cursor at the end blinked evenly.

Was she working against the very cause she was trying to promote?

The cursor continued to blink.

––––– ––––– –––––

Makoto stepped off the train. It was a brief walk to the precinct hosting the event. She had gone over her remarks several times on the train ride, alternating with ideas for her investigations that she would follow up with afterwards.

It seemed like she was always bringing work home.

She glanced down and smiled.

She was fortunate to have someone waiting for her who understood.

There were about fourteen middle-school-aged girls already seated when Makoto arrived. The organizers were just outside the meeting room, talking to parents and checking people in. They waved at her as she passed through, making her way to the table up front.

Most of the other panelists were already there, sitting in the chairs to the side. Two were women Makoto didn't know. The other was a surprise.

"Kondo-san. Good evening," Makoto said as she sat down next to her former precinct-mate. "I just heard you transferred. Isn't this far for you?"

"Good evening Niijima-san," Kondo-san looked up from her book, smiling as she replied. "Yes I'm out in Tooku now. I still live here though, at least until Saturday, and I had already said I'd be here anyway."

"That's quite a commute," Makoto frowned.

"Yes, but it's only for a week," Kondo-san was smiling still. "Then it'll be even shorter than it was here. Rent's cheaper too."

Makoto looked at the other woman. Maybe things were okay if she was happy.

_No._

_She's trying too hard._

_And even if..._

"I'll miss you. What they're doing isn't right." It was all Makoto could say.

"I should have known better," Kondo-san sighed. Her gaze shifted towards some far away space on the floor. She was still smiling, but barely, like the corners of her lips were all that held her facade. "I was just so frustrated. I acted rashly. And when they suggested this '_promotion_,' I wasn't prepared to argue against it."

"It's not your fault."

"Thanks," Kondo-san looked up. "That's what I keep reminding myself. It helps to hear it from someone else."

"Hey!" One of the girls, sailor-style school uniform, twintails, and all, approached them. "Is that the new _Knights Rendezvous_?!"

"Yes it is!" Kondo-san smiled broadly, a mix of excitement forced and true. It was the same kind Makoto put on when she was trying to encourage the next generation. Kondo-san lifted the book, revealing the dust jacket.

_I want to read that._

Makoto's fingers twitched. If only she had it to look forward to when she got home.

...but was that really okay?

"It's my favorite!" the girl's eyes were wide and bright. "Dad says I can't have it unless I'm top-50 in exams."

"Well then you better study," Kondo-san grinned as she pulled the book closer to her chest, signaling it was out of reach. "It's _really_ good."

"Ooooh," the girl whined. "You could just give it to me now. I'd be your best friend."

"Tempting," said Kondo-san. "But grades first."

The girl made a dramatic sigh, slumping her shoulders, before returning to the audience seating. From afar, Makoto could see her talking with some of the other girls, making exaggerated gestures with her hands and sometimes pointing their way.

"Is it really that good?" asked Makoto. Thankfully the volume was closed around Kondo-san's fingers. She didn't know if she would be able to avoid looking if she could see text. "As good as the previous volumes?"

"It is!" Kondo-san placed a folded sheet of paper in between the pages, freeing her thumb. "I didn't know you followed the series."

"I read the first four," said Makoto. She exhaled. "I was planning to pick that one up, but Sakai-san said something that got me thinking."

"Oh?" Kondo-san tilted her head.

"She's worried the genre reinforces negative stereotypes. That it teaches young girls to depend on men," Makoto explained. She looked over to the girl with the twintails again before turning back. "She said she was surprised I didn't prefer books with strong women."

Kondo-san raised an eyebrow, but let Makoto continue to speak.

"I don't want to..." Makoto brought a curled finger to her lips. She took a deep breath through her nose. "I want to do what I can. For them."

Makoto pointed her head in the direction of the girls.

"You don't think Elise is strong?" Kondo-san tilted her head to the other side.

"She is... " Makoto recalled both the character's action scenes as a squire and her ingenuity in navigating the politics of court. "But she does get rescued a lot. I think that's what Sakai-san meant."

"Is it really that much?" Both of Kondo-san's eyebrows rose. "I've read a few series like that, but they were really mediocre. I couldn't get into the main character so I dropped them. I'd be happy to get rid of those. Knights is better than that."

"It does happen at least once a volume," said Makoto.

"Once in a whole book isn't that bad," Kondo-san's voice rose slightly. "I don't know. I don't think I could get into a main character who could do _everything_ on their own. I can't relate to that."

Kondo-san's words seemed to increase in both pace and volume. Makoto's eyes opened wide. Kondo-san seemed to notice.

"I'm sorry, but you know what I face every day and I'm giving up my free time to talk to girls tonight. The idea that I'm not doing enough _for the cause_ just because of some book I read... it's like, jeez, what do you want of me?!" Kondo-san had started bouncing one of her legs, a habit Makoto noticed she had when she got excited. "Plus, don't you dare go after my favorite series if you haven't even read it!"

A breathy chuckle escaped through Makoto's nose. Kondo-san followed, grinning.

"You know," Kondo-san began, her voice returning to its normal volume. "I don't think I'd like it if a guy tried to take care of me the same way Prince Gylland does Elise. It's a nice fantasy though."

"Yes... I feel the same way," said Makoto. It was fun to dream but in reality she would feel awkward and unaccomplished not doing her fair share.

So what was it? What made it so appealing?

Makoto recalled some of her favorite scenes.

Maybe... maybe it wasn't about the exact events.

Makoto was certainly never going to be a fantasy knight. (Well... at least not one on a horse, but Kondo-san couldn't know that.) However, she did want someone to back her up, someone she didn't have to be 100% tough in front of all the time. That's what the love interests in these stories were. Those were the emotions the dramatized scenes were crafted to convey.

Reality was less flashy, but the same feelings were there, only in more personal ways.

A familiar face came to mind.

"Yes..." Makoto repeated, a small smile grazing her face.

"Plus," Kondo-san began again. "Even if others might not think it, _we_ can separate escapist fiction from reality. _We_ know what we really want. Shouldn't we have the same faith in them? Shouldn't we be clearing the path so things will be better for them?"

She tilted her head towards the girls sitting in the audience.

Makoto took a deep breath. She smiled. That was the hope. Yet... why were there still so few?

––––– ––––– –––––

The walk from the station was dark and quiet and cold. It was well after the evening rush after all. Makoto balled her hands into the pockets of her peacoat, her shoulders drawing in to preserve heat.

The event had seemed like a success, but it was hard to know how much impact it would have. Probably only a handful of those girls would attempt a career in justice, but at least all would make the decision informed. It would be wonderful if they were all to find something fulfilling, whether or not their passions aligned with Makoto's.

Still, in the face of small progress, the question haunted.

Was she doing _enough_?

She breathed in the cool night air.

_I don't know._

Makoto's approach fell somewhere between Sakai-san's experience-forged caution and Kondo-san's principled forward march. Both women were extending their strength to those that came after them, each in their own way. She too needed to find her own balance, not only "for the cause," but also for herself.

The archetype of the "strong woman" constructed by others was just as much a cage as that of the "model student."

A short airy laugh escaped Makoto's lips. How easy it was to fall into old patterns.

The strength she sought lied beyond that.

To change the justice system as she envisioned, Makoto couldn't be a "strong woman" or a "model student." She did her best to be pursue excellence in her endeavors, but the demand was too great. She couldn't be the best at everything. That idea was a myth.

Instead, she needed to surround herself with people with both integrity and strength—strength of all types and perspectives. She needed not to become invulnerable, but to recognize her vulnerabilities, reach out, and rely on the people around her. She needed to set an example, a realistic one, for the people who came after her.

There was little point in forging a path that few would want to follow.

Makoto stopped and took a deep breath.

_Somehow._

She closed her eyes slowly and opened them again, continuing her walk.

_One foot in front of the other._

A few steps later and the soft glow of a familiar bookstore came into view. It promised warmth and comfort. Makoto stepped inside.

A single copy of _Knights Rendezvous_ sat among larger stacks of new releases, as if it was waiting for her.

She picked it up.

The weight and texture seemed well-suited to her hand.


End file.
